30 Questions You Didn't Ask: An Interview
Sincere responses to 30 randomly generated questions.
If you were a worm, how long would you be?
Worms! Worms drive me nuts! Nuts!! I was once nuts. They put me in a home. I died there. They buried me. Then came the worms. Worms!! Worms drive me nuts!! Nuts!!! What's the size of your shoes? 11½ or 12, depending on width.
Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? No. What I doubt is a narrative which seeks to explain our existence by resorting to nihilism and the denial of common sense. The anti-empiricists are to be resisted.
What would you want to be written on your tombstone? “He placed his finger in the dyke.”
Is your middle finger longer than your ring finger? Yes. According to a random internet website, this means I am charming, pragmatic, and can talk myself out of just about any situation. Additionally, I’m aggressive and an excellent problem solver. I suppose it also suggests that I would be an excellent communicator in circumstances when a nonverbal and perfunctory pejorative is called for.
What shampoo do you use? L’Oréal Professional Intense Repair (I have a connection.)
What time do you normally go to bed on a working day? 11 P.M. (if I’ve had a nap) or 8:30 P.M. (if I have not)
What is the most distant place you've visited (from your home)? Geographically: Ireland or Panama, depending on whether you measure from Florida or Pittsburgh.
Culturally: Windsor, New Hampshire.
On a scale from 1-5, how afraid of dark are you? 3. I do have fears, but it’s not a phobia. The Bible seems to suggest that we ought not feel too at home in the darkness.
Explain relativity.
A fiction created by a bureaucrat with bedhead to prop up a dying astronomy. Future generations will marvel that so many accepted such obvious nonsense without flinching.
How often do you brush your teeth? At least twice per day, morning and evening. And after any meal involving aftertastes.
The person you would never want to meet? Anyone for whom sports is the only available conversation piece.
Who is the person you trust most? “The human heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9 KJV)
“And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. (Revelation 21:5 KJV)
Trust, but verify. (Ronald Reagan)
Have you ever collected stickers that are on fruits? No. You can’t even read them and they never stick right.
How weird is this? I’ve seen (and written) worse.
How old is the oldest cell in your body? Assuming your original X/Y chromosomes reflect the age of your oldest parent, 72 years.
Do you like carrots? Yes, raw or cooked. (Proper carrots should be simmered in butter and brown sugar.)
What's your favorite word? Ironic. It spells well.
If you were a tree, what tree would you be?
Hickory. Wikipedia describes Hickory wood as “very hard, stiff, dense and shock resistant. There are woods that are stronger than hickory and woods that are harder, but the combination of strength, toughness, hardness and stiffness found in hickory wood is not found in any other commercial wood.” Hickory is the wood you use when you need to trust it can bear up under the pressure: cart wheels, walking sticks, the bottom of skis, paddles, and back in the day, airplane wings. It’s the wood you rely on propel you through life, and the wood you trust with your very safety. Interestingly, it also produces a fruit which is, as they say, a touch nut to crack.
When you looked in the mirror first thing this morning, what was the first thing you thought? Not bad for 40.
How much cash do you have on you? None. I don’t have any.
What's a word that rhymes with TEST? Rest. (First word which came to mind.)
Planet? No. (Drop the “t”.)
Who is the fourth person on your missed calls? Probably my wife, because she is pretty much the only person who calls me. There used to be others – my mom, my sister – but most people have simply stopped calling because I rarely answer, and I am not particularly good about returning messages.
What is your favourite ring on your phone? Vibrate. (I hate to hear cell phones ring, including my own. It’s not the sound – it’s the principle.)
What shirt are you wearing? At this very moment? None. Very manly. Take that Putin.
What do you label yourself as? This is more difficult than it looks. Not because I think that labels don’t apply, but because most labeling is passive – that is, we receive a label based upon our choices or circumstances. At best, we choose the label indirectly by making choices which result in the label. In this sense, you cannot simply define yourself. You can choose to live, to act, to be – and in so being, so acting, so living call upon yourself the label fitting to that life. That said, here are a few which I think reflect choices I am consciously making about how I wish to live, act, or be:
Teacher. Contrarian. Guardian. Christian. Historian. Father.
Name the brand of shoes you've recently worn. Hushpuppies. (The most comfortable sandals I’ve ever worn.)
Bright room or dark room?
Dark room. (Unless it’s natural sunlight.)
Where is your nearest 7-11? Corner of McMullen Booth Road & FL-580.
What's a saying you say a lot?
“Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson after.” (Vernon Sanders Law)